“Everything wants to be with you when you are empty of intention.” – Mooji
When we have neediness in a relationship, the unfortunate irony is that we repel people with that neediness rather than draw them closer. And we will never, ever be able to get from them what we want. The only one that can fill that gap is ourselves.
The void you are seeking to fill is right there waiting for you in the stillness behind your demanding and busy mind.
That’s boring for the ego – believe me I know this.. It’s much more exciting to get it from someone else, but then we are forever dependent on that external source, which not only puts conditions on the relationship, but it’s RISKY. If the love is suddenly withheld, which absolutely can happen, because it’s a common part of the human experience that feelings can change, then it results in heartache. We tell ourselves the story that we cannot go on without the other.
The more solid and grounded we are in ourselves, the less we need from others and the more present we can be for them. We give selflessly and without the need for anything in return. We trust life and go with the flow of whatever unfolds, without resisting it. It’s only the ego that has a need for things to turn out in a certain way.
Byron Katie, in her book “I Need Your Love: Is It True?” says “When you’re seeking love and approval, many thoughts are aimed at deciphering the behavior of the people you care about, or theorizing about what’s going on in their minds.”
This deciphering and theorizing is totally coming from ego. The ego loves to measure and compare. Your true nature has no use for those tactics. Your true nature bathes in presence and revels in each new moment without a story of a past or a future.
There is no “I did this for her, so she should do that for me”, “I feel neglected by them”, “they are putting me down” etc. etc.
When there is no attachment to your identity (your ego) then you have no need to keep account of who and what is unfolding. There is nothing left to do except enjoy the “all expenses paid” adventure of human existence.
Try it out. Imagine meeting your partner, your child or your loved one on a fresh new slate, with zero expectations, zero conditions and zero need to prove anything to them beyond a natural sense of gratitude and connection for the moments shared.
When the ego comes in, don’t worry. Be kind to yourself and celebrate that you caught it in action. Awareness is the first step for change.
And who would not want a change like this in life? Imagine what a nicer person you would be to have around if you collapse all your past stories and future expectations and show up fully present.
Want my help with this? Work with me intensively for 1, 3 or 12 months and you will gain a whole new level of awareness around this. Email firstname.lastname@example.org for details.