You may or may not have noticed that it’s my favorite thing to talk about lately. It’s a fascinating thing… and very hard to dissolve – trust me, I’ve made many attempts.. but I’ll continue to work on obliterating it, even if I have to die trying.. because it fascinates me and because it makes sense to me.
“I don’t have an ego,” you might say.
Well, the word ego is often misinterpreted, but it’s basically your human identity – you know, the one where you were given a name that you learned. Then you learn social constructs and how to show up in that identity in order to be accepted, loved, and out in front. You weren’t born with it. You were given it by your parents, your carers, your school teachers, and society.
It’s needed to get ahead in life – the problem is that it’s also the cause of all our pain and suffering.
Think about it.
Think about any of your human problems.
If you were identity-less, would any of those problems matter?
“I need attention.”
“I am offended.”
“I was hurt by them.”
“I need to succeed.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m better than them.”
“I’m worse than them.”
“They’re going to hate me for suggesting they don’t really exist.”
Yes, regarding the last example, my ego fears that judgment 🙂 … but don’t shoot the messenger. Spiritual teachers have been saying this since the beginning of time – and it resonates with me.
Without an identity, that also means that we have no past nor future that we are attached to you – because there is no self. The ego is obsessed with the past and the future. It doesn’t exist in the present.
It may be difficult to get your head around this; if it is, that’s normal. The job of the ego is to keep your identity alive, and it will do it AT ALL COSTS. It’s actually just innocently doing its job, believing that it needs to keep that identity alive.
But it’s not necessary in order to function.
We can continue to use our minds for functional things.
Obviously, we still need to give our name when we vote or go for a doctor’s appointment.
We still have likes and dislikes, but without the stressful attachment.
Our true nature, the nature of presence, trusts it all.
Our true nature understands that there is a much bigger picture at play here.
It’s only our ego that would dramatize everything. The greater the suffering, the greater the self-identification.
Notice people who are obsessed with their problems… that’s their ego at work. People can be extremely invested in their stories of anguish.. but it brings so much unnecessary suffering.
There is a simple solution to all this pain.
And it’s not spiritual by-passing, and it’s not repression, and it’s not disidentification.
It’s a knowing and a trusting that a higher power is at play in your life’s design, and it’s surrendering to that – being in near constant communication with it.
With that surrender comes a lightness.
You go with the flow.
You follow your passions.
You may ironically enjoy a lot more success than you would have with your egoic attachment, but that’s not the goal.
It doesn’t mean also that you stop enjoying the fun human experiences that you currently indulge in. Keep partying… keep being you. You’ll become even more spontaneous and fun to be around because you will stress less, and you will never take things personally.
When I feel offended now, I ask myself, “where is the Niamh that is offended?” She can’t be found because she doesn’t exist. She was made-up. It doesn’t always work. When I am very triggered, the ‘Niamh’ character is very present.. but it definitely helps.
Psychiatrists reading this might think that what I share is dangerous. Of course, it means that all the textbooks and years of work they did that gives them the license to diagnose medication becomes pointless (ego alert!). Those meds are being diagnosed in order to function as a person by the way.. and that’s the reality in today’s society. The vast majority of people either self-medicate or get professionally supervised medication in order to navigate being a human with an identity. How crazy is that?
I’m not dissing the great work that those professionals do.
There is a place for their work.. if you choose to continue to live in “personhood.” Personhood is what a great spiritual teacher called Mooji refers to when you are living from the space of a human who is attached to an identity as opposed to living from your true nature.
So I’m not dismissing the work of those experts, but I am suggesting that there is another simpler solution.
Many would argue (and have argued with me recently) that we should not drop our ego, that it serves a useful purpose. I notice that this comes with a very strong “I know mind.” The “I know mind” is the arrogant mind that believes it knows the answers and that its answers are THE RIGHT answers.
I don’t know about you, but I have no interest in being right about what I share. I am only interested in being free and helping others with whom this resonates to live a lighter, freer life too.
I’ve come to realize that any practice that strengthens our identity brings us further away from peace and lightness.
I’ve also realized that it’s incredibly difficult to obliterate the attachment to our ego completely. It’s like covid. You vaccinate against one strain, but then there is a new mutation. The best thing is just to belt up and enjoy the ride of discovery and observation.
Awareness is key. When you can catch the egoic attachment and know how to dissolve it, you just keep shedding the layers of the onion and then life does begin to feel lighter. You take people and situations less seriously – and best of all, you take yourself less seriously, which is awesome.. because remember. you don’t really exist 😉.
If what I share resonates with you, then I’d love to support you by leaning more into this path.
I’ve decided to offer 7 discovery sessions for an intro price of $97. Message me or comment below if you would like to avail yourself of one of these sessions. The session will unfold organically. You’ll just share with me where you’re experiencing the most pain in your life, and I’ll help you see how you can experience that situation without ego and feel much lighter. The session lasts an hour, and I’ll bring you into meditation during the session to connect with the stillness behind your busy mind. With a stroke of luck, you’ll love the experience and want to experience life from that place of true nature more and more.
“The nature of presence is that it’s always happy.” – Mooji
P.S. If you feel like you would like to avail of one of the 7 sessions, but you notice that you are afraid of judgment, etc., that’s your ego holding you back from freedom – don’t let it. These sessions are open to everyone, and it will be an extremely confidential and non-judgmental space over zoom.