As I tried to figure out the guidelines on basecamp for giving this second Toastmasters speech just 3 days ago, I ran into a colony of technical gremlins and then a colony of mind gremlins.. I had a ‘system crash’.
This is what my crash sounded like: “This is too complicated”, “I’m too busy, “I need to honor my highest priorities”, “I’ve too much to do”, “it’s not the right time”, “I’m overwhelmed”, “I need to pull out”, “I never should have joined”…
Swiftly followed by:
“You’re a quitter Niamh”, “you don’t keep your word”, “you let people down”, “you can’t even keep up with toastmasters” and any other form of self-flagellation that my creative mind could find… including the good old “you’re a failure Niamh”
And then the WORST moment of my debacle on Sunday morning was when my conversation with myself got to this point:
“That may be true Niamh that you are letting others and yourself down here, but you need to focus on your work launch, starting with the free 5-day training you are preparing called .. wait for it.. “Ignite Your Brilliance”.
Ignite your brilliance?
How the hell could I, the quitter, tell others to go ahead and ignite their brilliance when I am clearly so far from brilliant myself?
That’s not very brilliant of me.
But that got me thinking… what actually is brilliance anyway?
What is it that I want to share during that 5 -day training I’m preparing.
Do I want to share with my audience that they need to be perfect and if they are not they should quit?
Or do I want to keep it brilliantly real?
I know for sure that the path that I am headed, the person I want to be, is a raw, vulnerable, take me as I am, I am enough, even in the moments when I don’t feel enough, kind of brilliant.
So what if I just ‘showed up imperfectly at Toastmasters?
What if I became okay with giving imperfect speeches and imperfect evaluations, if I did my best, but accepted that there would not always be time to give it my 100% or even my 50%…
What if I compleeeetely let go of the need for ever getting a vote and I just showed up and spoke imperfectly from my heart on the topic that I am most passionate about… about the brilliance that I know every person has inside of themselves, the true inner brilliance beneath all the learned conditioning that teaches us that we are not enough and beneath the inner critic that says that we are doing it wrong, that we should be better.
And whilst I do believe that it serves us to work on ourselves to become better, to grow just like the trees.. part of that becoming better is accepting where we are at right now and working with that, working with what we’ve got, working with the raw materials on the inside, exploring them.. imperfectly, just like a stray dog discovering the inside of his new home and adoption family.. with such gratitude for being rescued.
I bet there is a version of you inside of you, at your core, that is craving to be rescued too.. a version that you can now stop hiding because you believe she or he is not good enough, a version that you can now courageously and vulnerably expose, saying this is me, this is all I’ve got right now.. and I’m working on being okay with that.. because I prefer to show up and be that example and hope that maybe it helps somebody else to drop their “I’m not good enough” story too.. (I’m being inclusive) so that instead of quitting, you show up and stay the course, and feel brilliantly proud of yourself for being okay with not being better.
This to me, is being brilliant.
Brilliance to me is about courage.
Having the courage to still show up when you feel less than perfect.
Noticing the sometimes cruel inner-dialogue but not paying it any attention, simply choosing to believe that you are enough as you are.
Choosing to be okay with that.
Trusting that you have exactly what you need already inside of you, for the direction you want to go.
Sharing honestly from your heart.
Working with what you’ve got, not what you think you need.
Because maybe, just maybe, it’s more than enough to ignite your brilliance.
P.S. Want to watch the speech? Click the link here.
P.P.S. Want help igniting your brilliance? Click here to sign up for my free 5-day training bonanza.