11 Beliefs And Behaviors That Prevent An Empowered Life

I need to preface this blog (which turned into a short book!!) with a “please read first” so that you will hopefully trust me with what I share.

The reason I know all 11 beliefs and behaviors so well is because I have BEEN THERE.

But I wanted to get ahead.

So I studied and learned from the people who had the life I wanted.

I realized that their lives were not full of roses and dandelions.

Some of them had been through serious challenges and trauma.

But they decided that would not hold them back.

They decided instead to take full responsibility for their lives.

I realized that “they got ahead because they had it easier” was a complete lie.

They got ahead because they fought for themselves.

So I learned from them.

Then I got ahead because I fought for myself.

I want you to fight for yourself too.

That’s why I am sharing this.

The goal of this blog is to help you to raise awareness on how you hold yourself back. It’s not to shame you or to tell you that you are doing it wrong.

I know how challenging life can be sometimes (trust me).

But I also know that if you don’t want to succumb to a lifetime of labels and justifications for why you cannot claim the life you want, then this will really help you.

So here are those 11 beliefs and habits:

My life is just a random result of bad luck. 

There was a time when I found it hard to believe that my life was a result of my own thinking and behavioral habits. I thought that I had just picked the short straw, so my challenges were just random bad luck. 

Long story short, on a good day, I see most challenges now as a gift. They strengthen my character. They allow me opportunities to practice overcoming, surrender and courage to find a way through. Obviously, there are certain situations that I would find incredibly hard to see as a gift, but I’ve come a very long way in how I respond to life. I wanted to pass on some of the wisdom I have learned..

Believing you know what’s best for people and believing that other people should act in a different way.

Let them be. Stay in your own lane and focus on you. If they trigger you, thank them internally because they are guiding you to an INTERNAL pain that is begging to be worked on. The less accepting you are of others, the less accepting you are of yourself. You might be completely blind to this fact because you are so outward focused. You might be thinking “no, I don’t judge myself, I like who I am”. Look again. Nobody who likes who they are is allowing the pain of the separation that comes with judgment of others.

Blaming others because you don’t get ahead.
Instead, take radical responsibility for your results. Choose to believe that where there is a will, there is always a way. Choose to believe that you are powerful and resourceful. Revolutionize your thinking.

Being stuck in a story from the past and repeatedly talking about how hard done by you were in that situation.

Instead, thank life for the lesson and choose to use that lesson in your future.

Believing that you have been dealt a bad hand and wallowing in self-pity, resentment and disempowered thinking

Instead, get curious about how much of that current hand you have created by your thinking, your choices and your behavior.

Believing that someone from your past is responsible for your misery today.

They are not. You are. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you get to choose every day who you want to be, what you want to create and how you want to respond to life events. It’s not an overnight flick of a switch, but if you are not actively working towards developing a clearer mind, take responsibility for that personal choice and own the consequences of it. Responsibility includes taking responsibility for healing your trauma too. It’s a choice about whether you do or not, but as long as you are still holding someone else responsible, you are powerless to take control yourself. Blame is a losing game.

Believing “I tried that and it didn’t work for me” so you gave up, believing that you are somehow different.

This is a common one. If it didn’t work, try something else. Keep going until you DO succeed. You know how many ‘failed’ investments I have made? I just learned along the way what didn’t work. NEVER give up on yourself!

Believing that you are entitled to an easier life.

Believing that others have it easier and that’s why they get ahead. That’s simply not true. EVERYBODY faces adversity. It’s part of how life is designed. Your pain is not unique.

Believing “I can’t” for things that you want to change in your life.

What’s usually true is that you are not doing what’s required nor investing in yourself to get that change. Again, sorry if this triggers you, but you don’t know my story. There are certain things that I cannot share publicly. But I have backed myself to the CORE and continue to do so. Every penny I have goes into me creating the life I want. I could have a nice house for the amount of money I invested. But what good is a nice house if the mind inside that house is tormented? When I hear people making excuses about why they cannot work towards creating the life they want, I call bullshit. You are choosing where you put your money every day. You are also choosing what you refuse to trade in return for your growth.

Believing that people need to understand you, pay more attention to you, take care of you.

No they don’t, you need to take care of you. I see this in people who believe they are amongst the kindest people on the planet. They think “if only other people were as nice as me and were kinder to me”. They don't see their self-absorption. They don’t see how they have unrealistic expectations of others. I’ve been that self-absorbed person so I know what I’m talking about. It’s gross. Putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes to understand where they are coming from a bit more makes a big difference. Reality is ALWAYS kinder than the story we are telling about it.

Refusing to try to understand where another person is coming from because you are so attached to being right.

A closed mind that believes it knows best won't make progress. There are ALWAYS two sides to every story. Sometimes we need to look at the other side to understand their pain so we see that they are incapable of being present. When we know that it’s not personal, we can develop compassion for them. Don’t mistake this with expecting special treatment though and believing the other person is wounded because they don’t give you that treatment. No, they’ve just got good boundaries ;-).

I hope this serves you.

Love Niamh